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progress

There is something very powerful about being more in control and the master of when and how I want to express gender; aside from work of course which is not a situation I am going to change at this stage unless I transitioned and changed companies.

This is the most comfortable I have ever felt with my gender dysphoria management which is a far cry from where I was even 10 years ago. Have I progressed towards transition? You could say that but then transition is entirely what I want it to mean and I have chosen that to signify moving from one state of unrest to one of more calm and balance.

I don’t feel angst, am not conflicted and am letting life take me organically where it must without feeling like I am swimming upstream against the current. My children's increasing autonomy is giving me the freedom to redefine my life completely and being away from home has been beneficial in helping me push a reset button.

The new reality is a reshaping of what used to be a very defined role …
Recent posts

portrait

I like this picture of Chelsea Manning.

I think she exudes energy from both genders as it captures a moment in time mid-transition. For some people this could be an unsettling image and yet I find there is something captivating and almost noble about it.

Regardless of what you think of her she has a right to treat her dysphoria which no doubt has been gnawing at her for a very long time. She is just one more transgender person in this world trying to fit in and find a comfort zone so she can live in peace.

She will look different again in a year or two but this moment in time is worthy of capture on film because it speaks directly to the discomfort that many people who shun us have regarding ambiguity of gender and how it manifests itself.

To them I would just say take a long hard look. She doesn't bite.


the late night hosts as resistors

The Trump presidency continues to disintegrate and with his latest mishandling of the Charlottesville affair by actually defending the Neo-Nazi thugs who voted for him he has reached a new low. He has repeatedly proven himself to be a morally bankrupt idiot and it appears the late night comics like Seth Meyers are now doing less comedy than political commentary.

Thank God for them too because if nothing else they are standing up for what is right.

Trump can't help but add fuel to the fire because he is wired like a thin-skinned bully who just won't let things go which only makes the comedy that much more poignant. His vacillating back and forth on the statements he made is to try and have it both ways of course: keep the part of his base which is blatantly racist happy while appearing to admonish the alt-right fringe movement but not too harshly. So far the statements from the far right seem to be proving this assumption to be correct and no doubt Steve Bannon must be pleased.

trans across the ages

Increasing transgender and transsexual visibility and acceptance in society has begun to embolden different people on the spectrum to come out from hiding confirming what we already suspected: that gender identities are not built exactly on a rigid binary and, when left to their own devices, people will choose to express these variances.

It was about time too and that stifling set of rules kept people in their little closeted world for fear of rejection and violence.

If you read Zagria’s blog you will have noted that historically many transgender people would live as the opposite gender with no access to surgical or hormonal assistance. Some even married and it is hard to believe that their spouses would not have known about their situation. Perhaps their marriage was chaste or the spouse was told a story about some sort of genital birth defect.

One of Zagria’s recent entries is about James Allen (1787 – 1829) who was discovered posthumously to be female bodied after dying in a work-r…

"the eagle will rise again"

Alan Parsons at his hypnotic best from his 1978 Pyramid album. Marvelously sung by Colin Blunstone .

This is one for the headphones...


I appreciate how women communicate

“Oh my God I love your bracelet!” said the Starbucks barista. She is a young woman in her twenties.

The other one comes over and says much the same and suddenly the three of us are talking and it just flows. The latter proceeds to tell me things I know I would have never heard as a male.

For the record the bracelet was an $11 find at the Toronto Eaton Center and had called out to me with the price making it an easy sell. Like some costume jewelry, it looks like it’s worth much more which is a bonus. Later that day I got another comment from another vendor who pointed it out how much she liked it.

Being on my own here and spending more time as Joanna has made things less lonely if nothing else because of the openness that women have and my own impetus to oblige them in conversation or start one myself is part of that. It is very comfortable and the reflexes are there and don’t require any special prompting in order to surface.

As a side note, that same day I decided to wear my feather …

dunkirk

Christopher Nolan has created a cinematic feast for the senses.

His film Dunkirk flows along with long periods between speaking parts and with the continuous hum of a Hans Zimmer score that marks the tension perfectly. This is a great film which will be nominated for best picture and possibly win it all. When the ending credits began to roll I knew it then.

This movie breaks with war movie convention and delivers most of its impact through its expansive cinematography, soundtrack and actor's faces which mark the desperation of the situation with just the right level of angst along with their minimal but strategically placed dialogue. It draws you in and does not let up allowing you to be more involved than you had expected. I was riveted the whole time and that's what great film making is all about.

There is no one hero in this movie although one does stand out a little more. They are just people put under very difficult circumstances doing their best to survive.

Last year it…